pollyanna_mom

bad morning / good book

2011-09-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

This morning did not go well. I let the kids sleep in because I thought they needed it. Okay I let them sleep in because I was half asleep on the couch myself waiting for my cup of coffee to kick in. Those 15 minutes were not worth it.    4 out of 5 kids surveyed this morning were grouchy, snappy, and accident prone. One mother left to deal with these folks was not so pleasant herself. Probably a candidate for help from SuperNanny.

After dropping them off at school and vowing to go back to bed I picked up one of my partially unread library books. Positive Discipline For Children With Special Needs by Jane Nelsen, ED.D., et al. ( note: is that how you say and others in latin?) Looking in the front cover I see that this book is actually part of a series of books on Positive Discipline.

I grabbed this book from the library to begin with because I am at my wits end with my DD #2 who is taking out her frustration with school at home on me and anyone in her path.   All who know her tell me she keeps it together all day long at school but she gets home and is a screaming mess.    Which turns me into a screaming mess, and that's only me if we are lucky! I also have DD#4 who has begun kindergarten and also in the same boat for similar reasons.

So I am going to try this book's advice out and be done with time out in the traditional sense. I'm off to buy a bean bag to give the future offender or should I say "child with the mistaken goal" a place to chill out and calm down.   I"d better buy a big one because I'm pretty sure this person might be me.    Can't wait to tell the kids, " mommy's going to Alaska" and then plop myself down.

Big Mistake in Newsweek 9/12/11 issue

2011-09-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

Okay so this is a week late. The Sept 12, 2011 issue of Newsweek had a glaring mistake in it.  They identified Todd Beamer one of the many heroes of flight 93, the "let's roll" namesake as Scott Beamer. Yes, they renamed him as they tried to honor him.
Page 11 of this issue lives up to it's title NewsBeast, Under Who We Admire is where the mistake occurs.
"The first heroes of emerged in the first moments of the tragedy: Scott Beamer and the passengers of United Flight 93..."
   Hmmm, the stranger thing is that I've heard nothing about this error. Not even a mention in the next issue. Has Newsweek become irrelevant? Nobody noticed. It's akin to someone talking to themself in the corner while the party rages on.

I still have my subscription but I wonder why when I have to take pains to hide it from the elementary readers in my house. I don't think Tina Brown passed down the memo that profanity isn't edgy but rather shows a lack of vocabulary.   That's bad enough but now I will definitely think twice as I read and wonder, did they get the facts right?

Above the law in Arizona?

2010-05-11T06:26:00.002-05:00

The fight in Arizona over a law proposed to enforce federal law that requires non-citizens to have proper documentation should be insulting to law abiding citizens and non citizens alike of any color. Since when are people above the law for any reason?

My heart goes out to any children of illegal immigrants hurt when their parents are inevitably caught when this law is enforced. I feel the same for children who are hurt, no matter what their background may be, when their parents break the law and are faced with the consequences.

We moan and groan about this being a cultural problem, this lack of responsibility toward ourselves and our families. However there is a fix, it begins with each person taking responsibility one choice at a time.

clues to the election

2008-11-05T08:02:00.003-06:00

Obama won. Conservatives the nation over are asking, " how did this happen- is America blind?" The short answer is yes.

Those who elected Obama have purposefully turned a blind eye toward the facts, steadfastly refusing to question any sketchy information that made its way forward. Obama's surface is so smooth and shiny that it reflected what many voters wanted to see, namely themselves. Before any one is quick to judge think harder about why this happened. African americans and other people of color have had so many distorted mirrors held up to them for many, many years ( even recently think of CNN's Black in America- that didn't reflect any of the black people I know.) that when some one finally reflected the good in them at least on the surface people of all races swarmed toward that image. NO ONE WENT BENEATH THE SURFACE! When surrounded by ugliness for so long and presented with a beautiful image the last thing you want to do is scratch the image. However what American's might have bought themselves is fool's gold. I pray that isn't so.

Blindness isn't just common to Obama supporters, those who supported McCain are not immune. As Americans many of us claim to be color blind. However that doesn't make us a nation of various shades of gray. Part of America's vibrancy is its color and the color is only skin deep. Each one of us beautifully shaded by our Lord in his own image. The Bible tells us that God is love. John1 4:8 As Christians when we have failed to embrace each other as children of God beautifully and wonderfully made we have failed to embrace God himself. We have failed to love.

This will be the challenge for America in the coming years to love one another while we struggle to create a culture of life in America that celebrates and protects al lives from their beginnings to their natural ends. We cannot fall into the snare of hating those with whom we disagree, even if our disagreement is of the most serious nature. We are called to love by Him who first loved us.

Palin Rocks Fort Wayne

2008-10-17T12:53:00.006-05:00

The Palin rally tonight was worth the wait. I left most of the kids home with Dad and brought DD#1. Despite the cold and really long wait we had a great time. Nosebleed seats on the concrete next to the actual seats behind the stage our actual "seats" could not have been worse but her speech reached us just the same.

The theme hammered home was lowering taxes because citizens know best what to do with their own money as well as defending "Joe the Plumber" for just asking a simple question to which he responded to Obama's answer truthfully. "To spread the weatlth around" really does sound like socialism.

As a mom of a special needs daughter she further cemented my support by her hopeful and proactive words in support of special needs children, her desire to challenge Americans to accept and further integrate these children into our society.

My greatest wish now is that these children are not forgotten as our health insurance system is overhauled. I don't want these children who already have too many labels attached to them being tacked on with pre-existing condition and as a result be denied the coverage they so desperately need.

election mess

2008-10-11T20:23:00.002-05:00

Today somebody asked me what would happen if we all just decided not to vote in this election? As a practical answer I answered quickly and incorrectly that the presidency would then fall to Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House. Later in the day I rehashed the conversation with my husband and realized that duh, it would be Dick Cheney. Either direction is scary. The question itself is what' s really sad. How many others feel that way?

As eloquent a speaker as Obama is I can't come to grips with his abortion stance. It just seems so disconnected from humanity to cast a vote in what appears to be a case of letting a string of faulty logic play itself out to conclude that an aborted baby that somehow lives should not be saved. Just wrong headed and it makes me question how else he would let things play out here and abroad just because in his mind a+b must = c. A leader's logic must be tempered by his faith and with Obama I just don't see that.

McCain pulling Palin onboard is also an odd one. If she was picked for her faith and conservative policies as a governor the campaign should really just leave it at that and let Palin speak to what she knows. What on earth inspired her to claim knowledge of Russia just because of a precarious view of it from her office or home or wherever in Alaska? I could hear sea lions from my bedroom in San Francisco but that does't make me an oceanographer! The blind insistance of politicians of being all things to all people chips away at them until we no longer know who they are.

What speaks to me thankfully are not her words but her actions. She and her husband chose life for their littlest one. Fear didn't determine her choice but rather faith. I can only assume that the same faith led her to accept McCain's offer of the VP spot. Faith doesn't preclude misteps, I am a living testimony to that and so is Sarah Palin. We all are learning on the job no matter what we call our work. Her tasks for the weeks ahead are to convince voters that she is a quick learner and stop pretending to be what she isn't. Be proud, be pollyanna!

chore jar

2008-06-14T05:53:00.002-05:00

Yeah, it's come to this, the chore jar. I don't like starting these organizational tools because I invariably stop them for some reason and then feel guilty that I stopped. However after 4 days this appears to be working for everyone who is old enough to get the concept. My nearly 2 year old prefers to shake the jar and try to hurl it as far as she can across the kitchen table. No harm no foul, it's plastic.

The kids pick their own slip of paper with a chore on it and then do said chore. My 5 and 7 year olds still need quite a bit of guidance but my older two are eating this up b/c they choose what they do and don't feel like I'm unfairly dishing out chores. The good thing I added is an oh so brief sit down with the white board to show the kids what the day holds activity wise so we can decide on a time to pick the chores and do them. Depending on the day and how busy it is , we might just pick one or if we have time we can pick more. And as I 'm checking out the progress I can mentally note what else needs to be broken down into paper slips and added to the jar.

One big exception is the kitchen. Clearing and washing dishes is the kids responsibilty on the nights that we are not rushing off to the baseball field or elsewhere.

The system will need to be tweaked but it is up and running. The miracle of miracles, our house is becoming cleaner this summer with not so much grumbling . I've heard it takes 3 weeks to create a habit, check with me in 3 to see if this is still going.

Man in the mirror

2008-03-27T12:17:00.002-05:00

There's an article in Good Housekeeping this month that's about dealing with people you can't stand. Sad to say I thought of my children first. I read the article and was struck by the section Turn The Spotlight On You...... "People who irritate us usually have something to show us about ourselves." Talk about hitting close to home. My recent dust ups with DD#1 and DS#1 really point this out to me in technicolor! I've been nagging non-stop about orderliness, attitude, and the need to eat healthier ( no small trick with Easter Candy still around) when really I could just be playing that same loop tape in my own walkman. Ugh... I noticed on www.testosterhome.com that blogger said that she missed Lent already. I think I see what she means about the slowed pace that Lenten reflection invites but I also think I missed the boat in our family. Maybe if I just believe, I can also step out onto the water and walk towards Christ. So I will pick myself up and try, try again.

oh yuck

2008-02-15T05:08:00.002-06:00

There' s a line in Mrs. Doubtfire where the little girl says with horror, " diarrhea forever?!" I think my DD#2 must be feeling this way. She's been home sick since Monday with the stuff. Poor thing has been either on the couch or on the potty ever since she came home with this. Originally I was concerned this was caused by something she ate, that maybe she had something in addition to lactose intolerance like Irritable Bowel but this has gone on all week! So I will keep my fingers crossed that she improves today.

Here is a quick tip that will save you parents out there time, anguish, and perhaps money.... If your child has diarrhea do not feed him or her red jello! It has never happened to my other kids but this red jello went right through her and we thought she was bleeding. This went on for hours and so I called the pediatrician who in turn told me that the only way to know for sure is to take a sample to the hospital to be examined in the lab. This occurred to us the other night and of course worried mom that I was, I dutifully brought DD#2 to the ER with sample ( don't ask!) and proceeded to wait and wait. The next day I called the pediatrician for the results and no, it was not blood.

We are in the clear now so to speak, no more red jello, only clear and lemon flavored things. Let's hope that DD#2 wakes up feeling better.

mommy vs the bikini

2008-01-21T21:10:00.000-06:00

I have ruined her life. Absolutely none of her friends will be dressed like her. Why does she have to be different? All this drama for the mama because I won't buy my nine year old a bikini. Truly I must be from ancient times and have a heart carved out of ice. Nevermind that I have purchased two piece bathing suits for her as recently as last summer. I just happen to have drawn the line at triangle shaped scraps of material for preteens.

To her I'm just all that stands in the way between her and the slumber party of the year. I actually feel her pain and remember when I thought my mom was so unfair. I'd like to take her aside and explain to her that her mommy did indeed wear a bikini as a teen but that she in fact isn't even past the age for requiring children's tylenol. However I won't. She will try my patience again and again over this with heart wrenching sobs and equally ear splitting shrieks of indignation and misery. However I think I will have to be Mt. Kilmanjaro or Everest. I am there to be climbed but immovable. Time will march on and she will also turn into a teen with a bikini much to her daddy's horror. Yet it won't be me, it will be time that has passed and I'm sure another line to draw in the sand.

In weak moments I actually wonder if I am just somehow out of touch and should just get with it. Is this a case of changing fashions or changing standards? I guess a little bit of both, ok alot of both. I dig in my spurs a bit when I think since when does a twelve year old without a job need to have a cell phone to call his own? Is the whole school really IMing each other? I'd prefer that my kids could actually spell accurately 90% of the time before they start texting and cranking out IM's to their bff's or bf's or whoever, whatever as they might say. When did it become desirable for kids to be miniaturized adults? Ralph Lauren ads? What does it say about us as adults when we fail to provide lines of demarcation on the path from childhood to adulthood? If they jump through all the hoops by age 7 what's left for them to strive towards? A job? Kids of their own to hurry along?

Delayed gratification is a quaint beauty in our culture. I'm hoping my kids come to know its features well and in time even appreciate it. For now though preteen angst is the rule and mom is just so mean.

party planning

2007-09-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

Hmmm....how to entertain a bunch of first graders that doesn't involve trashing my house? Yes, it's party planning time and I'm looking for ideas that can be done outside that have an autumn theme. decorating mini-pumpkins? bobbing for apples? My goal is to not attract bees in the process. This is why I am not a preschool teacher. I am definitely a mom that has to outsource the arts and crafts portion of childhood. useful comments are oh so welcome here.

I am Alice

2007-09-26T11:55:00.000-05:00

Now that I've finally gotten myself back on the blog I can't think of a thing to type. So the stream of consciousness thing will have to do for now.

Busy, busy, busy fall but that's the way it is for everyone. No sense whining. Ages ago I blogged about "where's my Alice?" the ever-present, always helpful housekeeper for the Brady's who kept that ship afloat. I still live in the Brady Bunch house with the addition of DD#4 but I've come to realize that I am Alice. It's crazy around here but truthfully I wouldn't have it any other way, I'd just like some tips to manage the chaos.

Blog, what blog?

2007-07-03T12:19:00.000-05:00

So I'm not the most up to date blogger Google has ever known.....a few things have gone on since my last post over a year ago. Dear Daughter #4 made her arrival last summer. That's the biggie. We briefly thought we were moving this Spring. In hindsight that should have been crazy making but it turned into more of a Spring Cleaning on steroids. I'm just grateful that I didn't donate all the kids winter clothes! the mom's life....always looking ahead until you trip over the mess at your feet! Speaking of which, while I've been typing a boxful of cheerios has been dumped......

hiatus

2005-11-04T12:23:00.000-06:00

I've taken a hiatus from the Blog Hunter column. I know I needed to do it for a variety of reasons but I still feel a little strange. I am not sure when or if I will carve out the time and space to do that again. I wonder if anyone will even notice the column is missing? In time maybe I won't even notice, and the Blog Hunter will be just a footnote in my history.

Hiatus, it sounds like such a fancy word. What I really should have said is that I'm taking an extended time out. There's the mommy talking......

Maybe just a shift, and just like an older car, it can be hard to change gears once you've been in one awhile. Clearly this is not a mechanic talking.

Lysol bomb

2005-10-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

I have been joking with everyone I meet lately that my house needs a "Lysol bomb". What put me over the edge was finding out DD#2 had step throat. I like to use antibiotics only when needed but upon hearing this latest addition to the family petri dish I quickly mentioned my other kids sore throats and tummy aches to the nurse to ensure their very own 10- day regimens. After remembering our early morning cuddle in mom and dad's bed with the germy girl I promptly called my own doctor as well. It wasn't too hard of a sell to get a RX for my husband and me. Mention the word strep and people run screaming away from you. Now the question is, will this work? Can we kill all bacteria in a 10 day period and drive other viruses far far away?

As long as the kids keep leaving the house and breathing near other children I'd have to say no but I can always dream . But for now the hand washing speech will have to do. You'll know things have gone down hill if you happen to drive by a house with a huge plastic bubble drapped over it with Lysol printed in big, bold, blue letters.

flu babies

2005-09-16T07:24:00.000-05:00

They ALL have the flu. The school week has been 1 out of 5 for DS and 2 1/4 out of 5 for DD#1. She came home early Wednesday after repeatedly trying to tell her teacher that her throat hurt during Mass. She can be a bit ummm, dramatic and so her tears were brushed off by all until the school nurse took her temperature and it was near 100. She came home, perked up and I was left wondering just what was going on as her temp was normal each time I took it with my trusty ear thermometer. By the end of the day every child was pasty feverish mess.

After a night of feverish children with DS and DD#3 throwing up, a group pediatrician visit was in order the next morning. Again at home with my trusty ear thermometer DD#1 had no temperature. Of all the kids she looked the best and I wondered if I had called it wrong keeping her home with the rest. But I reminded myself that temperature was not always an accurate reflection of how she felt. She always has been one tough cookie. As a baby she would get ear infections that only became evident in hindsight as I would take her to the pediatrician after not being able to soothe my grouchy angry baby.

So I about fell over in the exam room after explaining DD#1's history when the nurse said, " yup she' s got a temp of 100". Guess what not so trusty device of mine is headed to the garbage can? At least the batteries inside will be headed that way! And the kicker is this, she didn't even say "told ya so". It might have been easier if she had b/c right now I feel terrible for misjudging her this week.

Did I mention DH is returning home tonight? Some guys have all the luck.

play time

2005-08-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

Well we are one week into the school year. Thankfully the meltdown of last week was just the first day. DS#1 and DD#1 are getting into the routine of things, while DD#2 and DD#3 are taking over the house during the day. Right now they are making a choo-choo out of three wooden chairs and a plastic baby doll changing table. I've been summoned. So before they drag me away I will plug my newest blog. www.dairy-free.blogspot.com Only one post is up but go ahead and tell me what you think.

back to school '05

2005-08-17T08:33:00.000-05:00

Oh boy....I walked my kids into school this morning and DD#1 melted down in the classroom when it was time for me to leave. She was excited about going to school until right until we walked into the school doors. The kids had to wait in the hallway a little bit and that was my first clue that this wasn't going to be easy. I feel bad for her and I feel bad for me. She gets herself worked up and I don't think I'm very good at helping her to calm herself. She is young for her class and that doesn't help matters. So I had to leave her outside her classroom with the school counselor crying and didn't get to give a wave to my son outside his classroom. Ugh. NOT the way I wanted them to start the school year.

So I will do my best to keep myself on HER side and not feel aggravated. This mothering thing is not all sweetness and light, lemme tell ya. But I know in my heart that the more accepted she feels the sooner this will pass over. I don't know if she' ll think that I understand her behavior but hopefully she'll know that I love her no matter what.

Mothering is not for wimps. Hopefully I will have a cheerier post tomorrow.

the fun begins

2005-08-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

Wow! I am posting tonight from the fancy schmancy computer that was passed on to us from my Dad. Blogger works so much better with a newer browser.

Let's try putting a link in. I am taking up the blogging challenge over at http://www.fwmn.blogspot.com Eventually I will get this and the other blog in the making looking cool like the other blogs, but for now you'll just have to put up with my haphazard self improvement. What we really need is a "blog spa" in which you could just log on and get spruced up.

So ends day two.

summer break

2005-08-02T10:05:00.000-05:00

It looks like I've taken a summer break right along with the kids. Apologies to anyone who has stopped by here in the last few months looking for something new because you didn't find it here!

How about a back to school resolution? New posts each week!

Now for catch up, my youngest daughter (now to be known as DD#3)broke her arm the weekend before the Fourth of July. So she has been unable to swim until last Friday when her cast came off. We are escaping the Midwest heat and heading up to the lake today.

DD#2 has a wicked milk allergy and I'm finding she's not alone. As a service to her and others who are done in by dairy I am creating a dairy-free blog. More to come on that in the next few weeks.

DS and DD#1 begin school in almost two weeks. It's very busy with the four at home and I'm sure I've been grouchier than they would have liked. Granted they also would like to have ice cream at each meal..... but still nothing like a grouchy mom to ruin a good time.

Well DD#3 has turned on "the jump song" so I need to run and go dance with girls.

literally speaking.....

2005-05-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

At mass this weekend our priest gave a homily on the seven fruits of the Holy Spirit and how these gifts become more evident in our lives as we draw closer to God. He asked at one point for us to look inside ourselves to really see what was in our hearts.
My oldest daughter nudged me and asked, "How do I do that? I don't know how to look inside myself."

At her age things are still quite literal, concrete, and black and white. The same is true for her brother. When trying to explain nuances and other shades of gray to them I can practically see the steam coming from their ears as their tiny circuits overload.

life is messy, take pictures!

2005-04-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

Here I am again. Our Spring Break was awesome and thankfully nothing at all like the "vacation" one mom had on e-bay. You know the one who sold "the ball that started it all". If you have no idea what I'm talking about go to

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5569872897

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because I have been there. I really need to get a digital camera so I can have proof of all the crazy stuff that goes on. Life is messy, take pictures!

Forgiveness

2005-03-28T08:59:00.000-06:00

I am posting an excerpt of a book entitled," Enjoy Your Precious Life" by Fr. John T.Catoir, JCD published by Alba House. For ordering information please go to their website at www.albahouse.org. This could be a life changing book if you allow it to be. Here goes, portions from pages 133-134 and page 135.

HOW DO I FORGIVE WHEN I AM STILL ANGRY?

In order to forgive someone from the heart, you do not need to have good feelings toward that person. Forgiveness is not a feeling. If you are angry, and the other person doesn't give you the satisfaction of asking for forgiveness, it may seem impossible to forgive. Don't believe your feelings. With God all things are possible.

You don't wait until you feel like forgiving. You may never feel like it. That doesn't matter, God asks for forgiveness anyway. Do it for Him, and for yourself. The Lord asks you to forgive for good reason. He wants you to be healed, He wants you to have the fullness of Joy. How can you not forgive?

To forgive you just will it!

True forgiveness is in the will. Do not wait for warm cozy feelings to begin the process. Your feelings will catch up in time. Do it now. Be patient about the results. You give "forgiveness" before you feel like it. You "fore-give" the gift of forgiveness, before you feel good about it. Do it anyway.

In this way you show the Lord that you will not cling to your resentment like a dog with a bone. You drop it and walk away. When bad feelings come back toward that person, say a short prayer for him or her. "My Jesus mercy. Have mercy on him and mercy on me." You need help and God will give it. Repeat your prayer over and over until the feelings subside, and they will.

In time you will actually forget why you were so angry in the first place. Forgiveness heals the soul. Let go, and let God.

ONE MORE QUOTE FROM PAGE 135

Once you admit that you are too enraged to love, much less forgive, then you are making progress. Turn immediately to the Lord for help.
He knows that your anger is justified. He doesn't ask you to deny your feelings. When He asks you to forgive, He is not saying, "what happened doesn't matter.".........
Why does Jesus want us to forgive? Because hate disqualifies a person from entering heaven, and He wants us with Him for all eternity.

Fr. Catoir quotes (Matthew 11:29, 19:26) Learn of me for I am meek and humble of heart,....with man it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible

I cannot say it any better than this book.

everything in its place

2005-03-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

Lightning struck this morning as I thought of yet another organizing tactic. Everything in its place. Looking at my kitchen you would never believe I could think of such a thing, but I did. It's not an original thought by any means. I think I actually lifted the thought from somewhere else, I just can't remember where I heard it first. No wait, I think it was in Vicki Iovinne's Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Your Groove Back. A woman ( as told to Vicki)makes sure that she can be found in certain areas of her home at specific times during the day to give her kids a sense of comfort and security. The whole 'if I go there I know I will find Mom' thing. Sounds simple, right?

I must have been ruminating on that in the back of my head somewhere because this morning I thought to myself, why not organize myself by place more often. I'm sure this isn't foolproof and things will pop up; but if I make the effort more often to be in certain places at certain times maybe the tasks associated with those places will be accomplished more often. Example, time in the kitchen = kitchen chores getting done, time at the computer = writing getting done.

This just might work, afterall we already show up at church on Sunday mornings because that is what we do. Most times it works out that it is meaningful and uplifting whether or not we felt like getting out of our pajamas that particular morning. Maybe there really is something to the saying that 90% of anything is just showing up. Now the trick will be if I can just show up a little bit earlier. Oh yeah, HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!

here and there

2005-03-15T12:14:00.000-06:00

I have not been an up to date blogger lately. I used to have a schedule of blogging during my daughter's preschool hours. Things just had to get done and my blogging got put on the shelf. Not a great thing for someone who actually writes a column about blogs! Oh well, the recent edition has been emailed off and hopefully I will slack no more.

Not alot of zest here as I reread this post. I guess like most things in life, sometimes you have to just do it badly rather than not blog at all. Go visit www.fortwaynereader.com and check out the Blog Hunter to see what I've been writing there while I haven't been blogging here.

higher purpose

2005-03-03T12:34:00.000-06:00

The other day I wondered if blogs could be used to promote charities or social services. For instance, would a resident at a battered women's shelter be able,if she were given the resources, to blog about her experiences as a way for a) her to work through and process what had gone on in her life b) for readers to be able to view her experience as she told it. I'm not thinking so much of the tabloid tell all variety of blog but a blog from the point of view of someone who normally cannot tell her story. This wouldn't even need to be only focused on women, it could include anyone who has made or is on a journey for example an adult learning to read.

Would these stories promote any kinds of connections like volunteering or donations to organizations that help people in need?

The very important concern left is privacy. Can it be guaranteed? How?

Is this already happening and I am just unaware?

2005-02-22T12:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I broke down and bought a Snapple iced tea from a vending machine. One sip in the car and the taste brought me back to my sophomore year of college in DC. Drinking the iced tea brought back memories of walking around DC and studying/gazing out the window at the same wooden table in a mulitstory library. I haven't thought about those things in years. 4 kids will do that I guess.

It's funny how food does that. A particular taste can bring you back in time. A good plate of chicken or beef chow fun brings me back to my best friend's family's kitchen in San Francisco. It's steamy warmth and greasy noodles take me right back to their round white formica table that we crowded around for after school snacks and dinners. I can see her mom taking business calls right next to us, switching back and forth between english and chinese in a single conversation. Here's the funny thing about chow fun...I only recall eating it one time there before my family moved from San Francisco to DC. Somehow that one meal was enough to color my memories in a distinctly grey San Francisco hue.

backseat critic

2005-02-17T13:03:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make. I sing while driving, especially when I've got my captive audience of two snuggled in their carseats. I turn the radio up and belt out whichever tune I know the words to as I work the scan button for all its worth. It never used to be a problem. I could handle any strange looks from my roadside companions. They were driving so fast they surely didn't notice little ol' me contorting my face like Tina Turner. I only subjected my youngest girls to my obnoxious vocal stylings. To be honest style has little to do with it, I just like to pretend I'm a rock star.

That all ended today. I cranked up Tina Marie's Glamorous Life when it came on because a)I hardly ever hear the song b) my musical taste is a product of the eighties. I started singing and all of a sudden I heard," NO,NO,NO,NO,NO" from my remaining child in the backseat. The chorus didn't stop till I stopped singing. There was a giggle, then I started again and so did she,"NO, NO, NO,NO,NO". I guess at 22 months she is forming an opinion. Apparently she gives mommy's singing a thumbs down. Maybe I've got another Simon Cowell in the making...

lost my glue?

2005-02-15T12:28:00.000-06:00

Why is it that I can drive down the road and think of a million things to blog about but when I sit down I can't thing of a single thing that seems worthwhile to actually type? Oh well, this is my site and that's just the way it is for now.

Yup, this is my site, my plain jane vanilla site. I really ought to make myself learn some html to spruce it up a bit. It's going to become embarassing after a while reviewing all the cool blogs as the Blog Hunter and then having them visit this blogsite. It's as though I'm a restaurant critic who's only skill in the kitchen is making toast. Aaagh!

odds and ends on Fat Tuesday

2005-02-08T12:31:00.000-06:00

My youngest will be two in April. I hate to say it but I think she is outgrowing her nap. It doesn't seem possible but right now instead of sleeping she is talking to her Blue's Clues doll. She fell asleep on the way to take her big sis to preschool and that is all it took to screw up nap time. Meanwhile I have been looking at every calorie available in my kitchen with new found choosiness. As any mom knows it is way too easy to just pick off of your kids plates and call it a meal or a snack. Lent begins tomorrow and so does my Lenten self-improvement program. So today in honor of Fat Tuesday I am taking the kids out for doughnuts after school. My only concern is the possible milk in the doughnuts. As my Dad would say, "#3" has a milk allergy and I really don't want her itching for the rest of the week. Anyone know of a good milk free recipe site?

Fort Wayne

2005-01-25T13:09:00.000-06:00

I was too busy living last week (aka being mommy) to respond to the Men's Health ranking of Fort Wayne as America's dumbest city. There was a follow-up in USA Today as well in which they searched for intelligent life and were mostly sure they found it. Gloria Diaz wrote in her Fort Wayne Reader column that as a city we have a problem with low-self esteem.

Maybe. I don't think that as a city we're necessarily shuffling along looking at our shoes as the world passes us by. I think we have a case of growing pains. Since our family moved here in 2001 there has been steady growth in the greater Fort Wayne area. Housing, hospitals, retail shops have all changed the face of Fort Wayne. It really is a case of midwestern modesty gone awry. For all that the city offers Fort Wayne really isn't advertised as the forward thinking family friendly city that it is becoming. Sometimes it's easy to miss the roses growing in your own backyard. Familiarity shouldn't have to breed contempt.

For all those who dismiss Fort Wayne as just another speck on the map on a cross country flight, I say look again.

Off roading in a pram

2005-01-18T11:14:00.000-06:00

This post falls in the category of, "there's more than one way to use an item". We have a miniature white doll pram that my daughter received for her 3rd birthday years ago. While it sees plenty of action in a nice ,"let's push our dollies around" kind of way it also serves as my baby's personal ATV when she piles every toy in the room in the pram and then tries to drive it over a pile of laundry to be folded. Really I ought to get a digital camera, I don't think my description does it justice. Or there's my son's favorite use for the pram, a military vehicle from which he shoots a hobby horse upside down somehow mounted through the pram. Don't tell me that the y chromosome means nothing.

That's the trouble. I am an only child so I have no experience watching the full of y boy get molded into a still full of y man. I am starting to realize that what I thought were a great deal of personality differences between my children were actually more along the great gender divide.

I am reading a great book right now titled, "The Wonder of Boys" by Michael Gurian. He also wrote, "The Wonder of Girls" which was equally amazing. Somehow he has hit it right on the head. I highly recommend these books to anyone who has ever puzzled over boys and girls.

Alone at last

2005-01-11T13:32:00.000-06:00

Finally, back to the routine again. It's nice to have the house to myself while the baby sleeps and the kids are at school. Funny that an only child should grow up and create so much company for herself! As my cousin says, it's all good. Weird to have that typed by my hands. Hmmm, maybe Martha Stewart herself is using that bit of slang in her new digs. By now she must be more or less settled in and perhaps shelling a few chickpeas for hummus for a a few hundred or so.

Gee maybe this is why I'm not alone so much anymore, there's just no telling what I'll type. Till next time.

spaghetti facial

2005-01-07T07:43:00.000-06:00

Looks like it will be more of the same today. School is closed for the third day following an ice storm here in the midwest. Hmmm....What to do with the kids? Library? If it is safe enough to drive there. Definitely one of those days where any type of indulgent self care will be in short supply; the kind of day where the steam from draining the spaghetti counts as a facial! Maybe we'll just build another blanket tent.

When I surface again maybe there will be something more intriguing to blog about.

Where's my Alice?

2005-01-04T13:04:00.000-06:00

We live in a Brady Bunch house. I can prove it just by showing you all the dark wood paneling. The kind homeowners we bought it from took the time to update quite a few things such as carpet and drapes; but underneath it all it still a seventies era house. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find Peter Brady's brown plaid pants in some corner of the attic.

Now here's my question; where's my Alice? Wasn't she supposed to come with the house? There was never an episode of the Brady Bunch without her puttering in the kitchen or sprucing up the family room after those Brady kids ran through it. I think I got taken on this deal because right now there is nothing very tidy or orderly about this house. Not after having the kids home for two weeks.

Oh well, maybe the next house we'll buy from the Jetson's. Only then we'll tell them Rosie has to stay.

Rhymes with....

2004-12-27T20:42:00.000-06:00

Last week I turned 32. I like these thirty something birthdays but last year I made the mistake of getting a rhyme stuck in my head about 31. It was a cute little rhyme. 31 and having fun. Sounds innocent enough right? This year in the week leading up to my birthday a new rhyme popped into my head that I had to get rid of; 32 and feeling blue. As I said, I actually like these birthdays lately so to have an icky rhyme like that settle itself into my brain was not pleasant. I tortured myself a bit about why I might think I'd be blue in the coming year, no luck with that. I decided to just chalk it up to overdosing on the Dr.Seuss with my kids. But what to do? I went to my husband with my dillema and with a wicked grin I got an even more charming rhyme to replace it, 32 with out a clue. My son was even more helpful, 32 you lost your glue. I feel kind of Rodney Dangerfield after all that so help me out here. Send me your best rhyme for 32.

Chop and smile

2004-12-20T11:21:00.000-06:00

I know, I've been slacking off on the blog. Apologies all around. Something had to give last week and this was it.

I've done alot of method acting lately. For a mommy like me, that means completely getting into the moment and acting as if you adore things you hate. Grinning like a maniac while you run the loudest food processor on earth just to avoid my toddler freaking out.

Sometimes the freak out can't be avoided. My third youngest daughter became completely unhinged at the mere sight of Santa at my my husband's office. Hopefully she will make some money off of her scream as an expert horror movie screamer. Is that actually a job?

Well, I've got another doctor appointment to drag a child off to. With any luck it won't be scream part 2; my youngest is getting her stitches out.

a meeting of one

2004-12-09T15:44:00.000-06:00

It is lunchtime. I've decided today's the day for my stockholder meeting. Time to sit down and hammer out the goals and strategic plan for the new year. But first, soup in a bread bowl. I know they must eat at these functions so I might as well too. Hard to think on an empty tummy. Okay then, enough procrastinating, time to name the goals. If I say them out loud it seems there is more substance to them. In addition to continuing on in my role as wife, mommy, chauffer, maid, chef, etc. and freelance writer, I'd like to remove some of the free from freelance. Yes, to get paid would be good. Step one would be to write more, how to achieve that in an already jam packed day? Wake up earlier. My alarm is already set for 5 am as my husband can attest. Now I just need to pay attention to it. Hmmm, suddenly I am sleepy after lunch. Must've been the chowder in the bread bowl, I think I'll just sleep on it. G'night.

Waiting

2004-12-07T12:36:00.000-06:00

December's theme seems to be waiting. We wait in traffic, in checkout lines, and what seems like hours at the doctor's office. It's the season of Advent in which we wait for the birth of Christ. In desperation I told my kids last weekend that we were cleaning for Jesus. It wasn't so far from the truth, but normally my religious instruction for the kids is less hands on. Usually they are more conversational or inquisitorial ( is that even a word) depending on how you want to look at two grade school children grilling you on the details of Bible stories you haven't read since you were their age. There might be something to this hands on method.

Some of my best thinking occurs while washing dishes or folding clothes. The rythmic nature of those activities frees something up - the hands are busy but the mind is still or at least freed from the to do list that seems to run in my head 24/7. That could be a big appeal of the Rosary. Not being a so called cradle Catholic the Rosary has not been something that I've focused on a great deal.

This waiting goes beyond Christmas and the holiday season, we wait for our kids to grow up, our spouses to come home, the water to boil, the phone to ring, for the right time,- for so many things. We wait but while we are waiting maybe we should recognize the gift sitting in our laps. Now. Right now is the time that we have, this very moment will not be given again. Although we can't possibly squeeze everything into one single moment while we are there we should do what matters, kiss our babies, cuddle our children, smile at a stranger, watch the sunset and hug our husbands.

Try to do all of that at the same time and you might forget why you are trying to do any of it. Sometimes the moment just requires one thing, to breathe.

would ya like some cake with that frosting?

2004-12-03T11:36:00.000-06:00

Sitting on my plate is a slice of pumpkin cake with a huge mound of cream cheese frosting. This dessert of mine has to be proof that there is a female fat gene. My husband looks at how I serve this cake to myself and really doesn't get it, in fact he says the cake is great with out the frosting. Clearly he doesn't get it, there is something divine about fat and sugar mixed together. Not so great when I go to try on clothes after a week or so of this high calorie consumption. Moderation isn't my strong suit when faced with these treats so generally they stay out of the house. Below is the recipe. It came from a cookbook created by the families in my son's kindergarden class.

Pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting

15 oz can of pumpkin ( or if you have the time peel and microwave your own fresh pumpkin using a small decorative one or just an approximate 15 oz portion of a larger one)

2 cups sugar
1 cup oil
4 eggs
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt

In a mixing bowl, (I use a kitchen aid stand mixer)beat pumpkin, sugar and oil. Add eggs and mix well. Add salt, cinnamon, and baking soda and mix well. Add flour and mix well scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Pour into a greased pan 9 by 13 or a bundt pan and bake at 350 degrees for approximately 35 - 40 minutes. Cool cake completely before frosting.

Cream cheese frosting

3 oz of cream cheese (full fat or reduced fat is fine)softened
5 tablespoons butter softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 3/4 cup of powdered sugar
1 -3 teaspoons of milk

Beat butter, cream cheese, and vanilla. Gradually add powdered sugar. If too thick at this point add milk 1 teaspoon at a time until the frosting is the consistency you want)

Next time a recipe for white bean turkey chili.

Just a Tuesday morning

2004-11-30T12:26:00.000-06:00

This morning I let my two youngest girls be raised by public television. I knew it would happen. The deadline for my new column came and went yesterday so today I had to cement myself to the chair and get it written and emailed off to the editor. That's pretty bad, blowing your first deadline! So it's out there now. Hopefully in one week it can be read on the Fort Wayne Reader website. www.fortwaynereader.com

Now if I could just figure out this comment thing. People tell me that they are leaving comments but I haven't seen any posted but my very own. Hmmm. Do I have a doppelganger out there?

chess anyone?

2004-11-17T13:52:00.000-06:00

Last night we brought our youngest to the ER with a gash on her forehead. She ran headlong, tripped and fell, and cut her head. Lots of blood and tears later I held her hand as she was being sewn up by a plastic surgeon. This experience confirms two things for me. One the sport for our children will have to be chess. Two, I am going back to the Johnny Cochrane method of parenting, "if you hit you must sit" now will have to have a companion saying for running in the house. Maybe "if you run you'll have no fun?" Nah, but I really don't want to go through that again.

In the moment

2004-11-16T10:20:00.000-06:00

Anna Quindlen once wrote,"exhaust the little moment". I don't know if I'm up for that, especially when I am just plain exhausted by the moment itself. In all seriousness, there is something to be said for being in the moment. Children, especially babies and toddlers, have their own ways of keeping you in the moment. My youngest daughter of almost 20 months will pull me by the hand to drag me back into her moment. With my kids the moment can be exhausting especially when each wants his or her cookie, book, answer, drink or whatever NOW! The little moments do come as often as you let them. Often I notice the autumn sky as I pull into our driveway fresh from my latest errand. Or if I actually get down on the floor beside my toddler to view things from her perspective. I can almost see why string is so exciting to her, almost. It's a balancing act to be sure, learning to let myself be immersed in their moment while teaching them to begin to understand that their moment co-exists along side everyone else's including mine! Speaking of moments, at this very moment I need to be in the car. Till next time....

Mommy's got a blog

2004-11-10T13:31:00.000-06:00

Mommy's got a blog and she's not afraid to use it. Would that really work as a threat? I have a second and a first grader and I am starting to teeter on the edge of invincibility. Especially my second grader, I can see the wheels turning in his head as I yet again tell him we'll have to google the answer to the question he asked. Hey, a mom can only know so many things about sharks and bats. But I can see him wondering," if she doesn't know that simple question, what else doesn't she know?" And it goes downhill from there, because in their minds if I don't have all those important answers to shark and bat questions, maybe they really don't need to take a shower, eat in the kitchen, do their homework, and the list goes on and on. Hmmm. What's a mom to do but threaten to publicize their misdeeds on the internet through her blog. Could it work? Sadly I know the answer is just the opposite. "Cool mom!" is the likely response from them. "Could you tell them about the time I...." Oh never mind. I think I'll just go back to "because I said so"

Halloween parade

2004-11-04T15:50:00.000-06:00

Last week I went to my preschooler's Halloween parade. It was awfully cute, a bunch of 3-5 year olds marching around a gym in their costumes. My daughter actually walked and waved just like the princess she was dressed like. Dressing up is so magical for children. They can be whoever they want just by trying on clothes or a hat.

As adults we don't allow ourselves or even others that freedom very often. Somehow as we go through school and out into our jobs, marriages, and families we get this notion that there is one way to be. Having a baby can be very jarring as far as this notion is concerned. Some new moms go from the boardroom to the delivery room and then ask themselves which room now?

I had the luxury of taking the time to decide after my son was born. Up until I delivered I assumed that I would go back to work after taking my maternity leave. However once we brought him home, I don't think I left our green rocking chair for months. He was five weeks early and days turned into weeks during which he learned to wake up enough to eat. Those weeks turned into months as I realized that a)what I had been earning would not cover child care and b) I didn't really want to go back to doing what I was doing if it meant leaving my son with a stranger. I really didn't ponder it much further before I was pregnant with our daughter. Two babies in less than two years put me in crisis management mode and career management went to the back burner. It's a good thing too.

Having my hand forced like that made me take a long hard look at what I wanted. I realized that what I wanted first was my family and then when I knew where I wanted to fit it a career. Not that there weren't plenty of days where my plan seemed to have majorly backfired. A person can only deal with toddlers and the trailing mess they leave behind for so long before visions of a solo trip to a secluded beach pop into mind. The beauty of guided imagery aside, it was and is more helpful to say to myself, this too shall pass.

You know what? It did pass and now I am able to carve out time to write. Slowly but surely I will one day have a collection of things in print. For now they will just have to be on this blog. Till next time.

launched

2004-10-26T15:22:00.000-05:00

I think my daughter is officially launched. She walked into the preschool room, hung up her jacket and didn't look back. Now if it were only so easy to launch myself as a writer. I'm having trouble making those early morning dates to write, I just sleep right through. If I stayed up to write, my mornings would be hellish to say the least. Wah, listen to me whine.

Oh well, so much for the instant gratification aspect of blogging. It's one thing to see my writing out there, it's another to look at the comment bar and see a big fat zero next to comments. Is anybody out there? And have you visited this site?

Pop Tarts anyone?

2004-10-14T16:40:00.000-05:00

You know it's a bad day when you are reduced to buying Pop-Tarts for your kids after school snack. I used to be near fanantical about not purchasing products that contained partially hydrogenated oil. My oldest daughter could be heard asking me up and down the grocery aisles, " does this have the bad oil in it?" Now that I no longer have the budget to pursue that luxury I look back and I see that I was actually rather smug about it. I never talked trash about other people's snacks and didn't make them forbidden to my kids on playdates with their friends; but I wouldn't buy them. I can remember after making a soy nut butter sandwich for my son being horrified when a friend of mine blurted out, " For heavens sakes, give that boy some Jiff". Now if you look in my cupboard that's exactly what you'll find, Jiff. It became too expensive to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for three kids and one Dad day in and day out with the natural stuff. I made a valiant effort when we could afford it to limit the partially hydrogentated oil and artificial stuff that came in to our home. Now with two hungry grade schoolers and a preschooler with an eczema related milk sensitivity I find it near impossible to go to the store with the same list as before. I just want to buy something reasonably priced that everyone can eat, but as a result that "bad oil" has crept back into our diet. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. Before I learned about the damaging effects of partially hydrogenated oil I loved to buy refrigerated biscuits and crescent rolls. Especially the crescent rolls, because nobody that I know has the time needed to make crescent rolls or croissants. There's some guy out there offering millions of dollars for the first space flight by a private individual. I think the contest needs to be brought back to Earth and a prize should be given to the individual who makes the first crescent rolls in a refrigerated tube made without partially hydrogentated oil. Let the games begin.

New Mommy Top Five List

2004-10-12T16:25:00.000-05:00

We went to the Christening of my chidhood friend's first child this weekend. By we I mean all six of us. We were even on time. It helped though that the baby was hungry and had to nurse before the ceremony. Sometimes the prayers you utter in despair while in the car do work. In honor of Jen and all the new mommies I know, I've decided to make a top five list for new mommies. Someone ought to tell it like it is so I guess it might as well be me!

1) Sometimes a shower is the major accomplishment of the day and that is just fine. When my first child was born a little early and he was learning to stay awake to eat the two of us lived in a big green rocking chair.

2) Assuming you are a duo,keep your instructions to yourself when Daddy is on baby duty. The diaper will work fine backwards, and the sleeper suit will stay snapped let him get the Daddy confidence he needs by doing all the things that need to be done. This is a very fine time for a NAP or a snack.

3)Friends and relatives who are a few years ahead on the mommy curve know all the shortcuts and will tell you so. However, it is your absolute right as a new mommy to be as neurotic about your baby as you need to be. Use that wipes warmer now to your heart's content because one day you might forget about it.

4)Learn now that mothering is not a competitive sport. After having four kids I am in awe of the range at which milestones happen for each child. May you be blessed to find friends that will share more than compare.

5)Mommy and Me refers to more than just a class. It took me a while to learn to be both mommy and "me". Don't be alarmed if you feel off balance for a while, you have just experienced a huge shift. There is are so many sides to this mothering thing. Think of it this way, a diamond is multi-faceted, why should you expect to be any less?

What can I say? After having four kids it seems like a waste if I don't share what I've learned.

stomach flu

2004-10-07T16:21:00.000-05:00

After a week of the stomach flu I am ready to write again. My son and oldest daughter came down with it with in hours of each other on Sunday evening and my husband got it all through the night. Just when I thought the two youngest girls had escaped they threw up within minutes of each other on Tuesday night. I jokingly told my friends that I was the last one standing, but by Friday morning I was laid out by this thing, it was vicious.

It could have been avoided. We caught it from our neighbors. The father just mentioned in passing to my husband that his wife was upstairs sick in bed. What he neglected to mention was that their youngest son had brought this disaster in the making home from daycare. By the end of that day their oldest son had it too. All I could do was console myself that at least we had been outside the whole time. Tell that to the bug, because it didn’t seem to matter. In 36 hours we would be toast.

To all the moms and dads out there who sound the alarm at a sniffle, hats off to you.

first day jitters

2004-09-14T21:59:00.000-05:00

I just dropped my daughter off for her first day of preschool. The novelty of the big kid rituals like hanging up her backpack and finding her nametag wore right off when she realized this was to be a solo gig. I made my exit after a two minute delay in which her baby sister made herself at home to scribble at the coloring table while big sis tearfully surveyed the room. We left, she cried and right now I have my cell phone in my pocket and one ear tuned for my cordless, just waiting for a call to say that potty training hasn’t officially ended or that she has thrown up from crying so hard. You’d think this being my third time around introducing a child to preschool that it would get easier, it didn’t. I’m sitting here trying to type and much to my chagrin, the silence that I thought I craved is actually deafening. I have a window of opportunity and now it turns out I’m a little afraid to jump through. Still I will see this through, as there is no substitute for butt in chair time if I really want to call myself a writer. See you Thursday for round two.